concerning the subject of Marriage, have inspired me to dig
through my files and find a Discussion Board posting I came
across awhile back... There is no need for me to add to his
comments; read what he wrote and see if you don't agree that
this is the proper way to view not only our Spouses, but also
the kind of Love relationship that God desires with each of us:
Marriage is primarily for lovers, not friends.
We can say this with confidence because we're designed
to have many friends around us and throughout our lives,
married and single, but we're only designed to have
one lover - in marriage.
So friendship seems like a good, safe option. Marriages
based on friendship sound
wonderfully safe, secure and stable, while Marriages based on
reckless things like romance, desire, longing and passion sound
much more dubious, uncertain and less easy to control...
Hollywood can sell movies about wild romance because
deep down those movies connect with a part of us that knows
that we were made for that kind of love, the kind that
sweeps you off your feet, takes your breath away, makes
you risk wild beasts, high waterfalls, evil bad guys
and even death.
While those feelings shouldn’t be the sole basis for
marriage, to say "marriage shouldn't be like that", and to
reduce marriage to some "less emotional" experience, and
to fill it with images of contented friends ambling their way
through life together, is to ROB IT of all the wonder, mystery,
romance and passion that God himself intended it to include...
This approach runs the risk of reducing marriage to an
"arrangement of convenience," a happy, stable, lovely place
of shared experience, goals and dreams. Which it should be -
but then two bachelors can experience that…
Marriage is NOT a glorified friendship with a bit of mutual
attraction and sex to give you something to do when you're bored;
marriage is the unlikely, almost impossible coming together of two
independent lives into one living breathing whole. It is two people
saying, "I'm going to sacrifice myself, everything I am, everything
I want - to you, a relative stranger - for the rest of my life - I am
going to DIE to myself every day for the rest of my life - for this thing
Friendship doesn't require your life, friendship is an
arrangement of mutual benefit - marriage is an arrangement where
the only guarantee you get is that it's going to cost you everything.
It is messy, painful, volatile, wonderful, risky, terrifying, demanding,
consuming, mind blowing, soul crunching, earth shattering and absolutely
will not be boxed in to the neat confines of friendship. It is the cosmic
collision that occurs when you take two imperfect people and try to make
a perfect union.
And thank God! "For God so loved the world – that he did the most unthinkable,
inconceivable, anti-logical, self sacrificing, death-defying feat possible –
He sent his only Son to die – that we might not perish, but have
Wow… thank God that GOD doesn’t see His relationship with us as a solid
friendship based on shared mutual goals!
Jesus didn't come to earth and die for us because he LIKED us, or because
we were best mates and he wanted someone to talk to about his shared interests
in heaven. He died for LOVE, not Friendship.
God himself describes his relationship with his people in terms of
lovers, a bride and groom, more often than he describes us as his friends.
God believes in true romance, and his relationship with believers is
the greatest romance ever told, not the greatest friendship.
So we are called to be our spouse’s Lover… Focus on being a good lover,
and the friendship will take care of itself. BUT! Being good lovers
doesn't happen instinctively, naturally, like friendship; it takes a
great deal of work, and sacrifice, and humility, and forgiveness, and
wisdom… My wife and I were best friends, and then had to work hard to
become lovers. Now we're best friends again, but only because we became
I couldn't agree more.